Early February is about the time that those New Year resolutions start to fall by the wayside. The juicing is not as prolific as it once was and the rowing machine or stationary bike does not hold the same allure it did in January - time to pop it in the garden shed with the thigh master and ab-cruncher.
Why does it happen? Mostly a mixture of unrealistic goals and poor mindset. If the bar we set ourselves is unachievable it is too easy to become down on ourselves and pack it in. Top sportsmen talk about the 1% difference or the marginal gains philosophy. If they can get 1% better each session then the cumulative effect over a period of time is significant.
If this approach was used for beginning of the year those New Year resolutions would be attainable.
Is this philosophy relevant to divorce or separation ?
This philosophy has the potential to seriously ease the confusion and pain that goes hand in hand with divorce and separation. Common feelings which stand in the way of sensible discourse or harmonious arrangements are guilt, anger, jealousy, betrayal and loss. A simple 1% change such as “I will be civil to my former partner” or “we will not argue in front of the children” or “I will sleep on it before I send that text or e-mail” can have a profound cumulative effect on communication between separating couples.
Add in another 1% change like “I will not demean my former partner in front of the children” or “I will not involve my children in adult issues” or “we will both attend school events and sit together” cumulatively will be of significant benefit to your family.
Another example would be, “I will encourage my children to engage meaningfully in skype with my former partner” or “ensure that they send or make mother’s or father’s day cards” or “I will not interrogate the children on what they got up to at the weekend with their parent.”
So, with the correct mindset the marginal gains philosophy has the ability to transform lives – whether that is in respect of running your first 5k or living a rewarding, conflict free, family life post separation.
During mediation this philosophy is actively encouraged and just by attending mediation the most important 1% gain is kickstarted - communication.