At a crossroad on Mother's Day - #lifelongparenting
March 23, 2014
Today the festival of Mother's Day is celebrated across at least 46 different countries on various different dates and is a hugely popular event. Millions of people across the globe take the day as an opportunity to honour their mothers, thank them for their efforts in giving them life, raising them and being their constant support and biggest fan. It is a day when families are brought together and are grateful for what they have.
When couples separate these feelings remain a constant for our children (they always love you) but the feelings that adults have for each other can become distorted or even lost. That person you once loved, maybe still love, may have betrayed you or you perceive has betrayed you, may have let you down, cheated on you, or irreparably damaged your relationship. On the flipside are their feelings and their version of what went wrong - you may not be proud of your behaviour.
If you take the difficult step of deciding the relationship is over or you are told the relationship is over the feelings of loss, shock, guilt, despair, anger, desperation, betrayal (to name a few) are all at the forefront of your mind. If you cannot reach an agreement between yourselves on arrangements for your children or finances you are at a crossroad.
For some, court proceedings are necessary. For the vast majority, court proceedings may only add a further layer of anguish and can be destructive, preventing any chance of a civil relationship with your former partner in the future. The proceedings are lengthy, costly and emotionally crippling. All that you thought was sacred in your relationship is now the property of lawyers and your "case" (not your relationship) is decided on its merits in accordance with statute and case law. It is very rare for someone to walk out of court after a final hearing and think to themselves, "I won."
For others, family mediation is a sensible step. It is not easy. The feelings of loss, shock, guilt, despair, anger, desperation, betrayal are still there - and you have to sit in a room with your former partner and discuss your issues in a civil manner. However, be rest assured that in family mediation you will be guided, directed and assisted by a family mediator to help you and your former partner reach a resolution that is focused on your twin concerns. Mediation sessions are scheduled at your pace and at a fixed cost, the agenda is agreed by you. You both make the decisions in family mediation, no-one else.
If sadly you are at the crossroads this Mother's day I urge you to respect and remember that you are lifelong parents - your former partner is the mother of your child. Take the positive step for you and your children to respect each other enough to give family mediation a chance.
At Prism Mediation we have a number of highly trained mediators who are specialists in high-conflict disputes with a wealth of experience assisting couples reach agreement over issues such as arrangements for your child(ren) and how any assets should be shared. Importantly we are able to offer your child(ren) a voice in the process if you think that would be appropriate. We offer appointments in London and online on weekday evenings. Please visit our website at www.prismmediation.com to find out more or to request an appointment. Alternatively, you can contact our Founder and MD, Jeremy Ford on 07712 881 181. Follow us on Twitter, Google+ or LinkedIn.